Community Member Spotlight: Nick Frausto

“My mother liked to fix herself up so she looked just like Elizabeth Taylor,” says Nick Frausto, a recent arrival to San Francisco. “I wasn’t too sure how she’d react when I brought my lover home to meet her – I was pretty nervous.”

Nick, whose Latino heritage made coming out doubly hard for him, had brought his lover Raye, whom he’d met in 1978 in West Hollywood, home to meet his mother after dating him for about a year. “Raye took one look at my mother and said ‘Why, you look just like Elizabeth Taylor,’ which did the trick! She made us both sit down and she went into the kitchen to fix Raye a ton of food – even though we’d both already eaten.”

Growing up in Southern California in the 50’s and 60’s, there were always women in Nick’s house – his mother, of course, but also her four sisters. He knew early on he was different because he was so attracted to the boyfriends his aunts were always bringing around. Also, he loved to keep house with his mother—which wasn’t like most of the other boys he knew.

After being drafted and serving in the Army stateside during the Vietnam War, Nick began having his first gay experiences. His supervisor at the Walter Reed Medical Center, where he was stationed, was from the Women’s Army Corps “with a very short hairdo”, Nick noted with a wink. She was like a sister to him, and showed him around Washington, D.C.

“My saddest moments at Walter Reed were when we had to process someone out of the service for having been caught,” said Nick.

His first boyfriend was an officer, who really taught him how to be in the closet. He introduced him to the gay bars and hang-outs and how to avoid getting caught by the police or MPs.

After his time in the service, he moved back to L.A. and found a very different West Hollywood awaiting him. It was the 70’s and “there were bathhouses, and gay bars and everything,” he said. Not knowing what to do with his career, he decided to work at one of the bathhouses. The problem was, the police used to set up raids that included TV cameras and reporters. In total, Nick was arrested three times in raids on gay establishments in West Hollywood, the worst being when his father saw him being arrested on TV. His dad came down to the jail and bailed him out, which Nick said was awful.

When he met Raye, Nick was getting tired of all the drama and arrests and the strained family relations.

“And, it was love at first site,” said Nick. “He took me that night and kept me for 30 years.”

They decided to get out of the whole gay scene in L.A. and moved to be near Raye’s family in Calimesa, which is east of L.A. in the Redlands area. While they never really had any gay friends – it was such a small town – they became close to Raye’s family and made friends with their co-workers over the years. They were able to buy a double-wide trailer home in a nice park.

Nick worked with troubled young people in youth homes, which he loved. He ended up working with youth offenders for 20 years.

Though they had always dreamed of moving to San Francisco, Raye’s health was never particularly great – he suffered from chronic obstructive pulmonary disease – and were concerned the damp weather would exacerbate his condition. So they stayed and made a comfortable life for themselves. When Raye’s health began to decline a few years before his death in 2006, Nick had a tough time adjusting from being “partner” to being “primary care-giver.” Both were retired and enjoyed one another’s company a great deal. So the shift was hard.

What was more difficult was Raye’s death.

“I grieved a great deal and we didn’t have a lot of close friends, though our neighbors were very kind, so I was very, very lonely,” Nick said. “I would watch movies on the Logo channel and see two men holding hands and burst into tears.”

Both Nick and Raye were comfortable and made ends meet between their shared retirement incomes. But with Raye gone, together with his Social Security and other retirement benefits, Nick was left to his own resources.

Nick learned over time that life goes on. So, he decided to sell the double-wide trailer home he and Raye had owned, which provided some profit, and finally achieve his dream of moving to San Francisco.

When he first arrived, he rented a room from someone, which didn’t work out well, and he needed to find his own housing.

That’s when Nick found openhouse. Working with Michelle Alcedo from the openhouse staff, he got connected to Veteran’s Affairs and the Swords to Plowshares program, which together found him housing and Veteran’s Section 8 subsidies. His new studio apartment isn’t what he had when Raye was alive, but it’s all his and he’s decorating just the way he wants.

“It’s cool and quiet, and it’s my castle!” said Nick.

These days he enjoys volunteering for Openhouse, and taking long walks to the Castro. He enjoys reading at home and going to the events sponsored by openhouse. He particularly likes going to the “older gay gentlemen’s” bar on Castro – the Twin Peaks – where tourists frequently go for directions. He dispenses advice and, when they give him the time, a few good stories, to boot. He particularly loves it when Spanish-speaking tourists come in so he can brush up on his Spanish.

“Michelle is good at pushing me to try new things and to go to meetings. After 30 years in my relationship, living in a trailer park and 20 years at the same job, trying new things doesn’t come naturally, but I’m getting better and better. And I love it!”